Pun-erific!

I love a good (and, let's be honest, a bad) pun. The following are culled (yep, these are the best ones) from an article for lexophiles from Renee. Enjoy, It's your thyme!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

4. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

5. A calendar's days are numbered.

6. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

7. His photographic memory had never fully developed.

8. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at
large.

9. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

10. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

11. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

12. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

13. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

14. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

15. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

16. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

17. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

18. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

19. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

20. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

21. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

22. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

24. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

And, in case this didn't fulfill your multi-vitapun needs, you can also check out Pun of the Day's funniest puns.