How to Spot Summer Tourists in Alaska

In the summer (though I hear it's not the case in winter), it's a bit like Disneyland here... in that, almost everywhere you look, there are tourists.

In case you want to spot a tourist in Alaska, I've devised the following signs:

1. They're wearing parkas.

2. They're walking on the streets of downtown with shiny new hiking boots.

3. They're wearing North Face/Columbia/Patagonia's latest Gore-Tex/Omni-Tech/Nano Puff jackets. (Now, Alaskans wear these sometimes too... they just look well-worn.)

4. They have to ask directions to Minnesota, Northern Lights, or Benson. (These are the major Anchorage streets.)

5. They're having friends take their picture with a giant stuffed (typically a stuffed animal, sometimes taxidermied--I know that's not a word, but don't know what else to call it) bear, moose, or puffin.

6. They're wearing the same windbreaker as the 20 people around them.

7. They can't find the entrance to Snow City Cafe.

8. They just stepped off the boat (and they're not at Ellis Island). --that one's John's ;)

Now, you may be thinking that it's quite presumptuous to be "outing" the tourists after less than a month stay. However, I am a Cheechako... not a tourist... a Cheechako is what the locals call newly arrived residents. Here's some other Alaskan slang from the Alaska Slang website... (I've only included the terms I've actually heard since I've been here.)

Lower 48: The 48 states south of Alaska. [Hawaii just gets omitted.]

Cheechako: Someone new to Alaska

Sourdough: Someone old to Alaska

Permanent Fund [I've always heard it as Permanent Fund Dividend]: Money we get for living here; from the state-- who gets it from the oil companies; who supply 20% of the nation's oil supply. You get oil; we get cash!

Fireweed: The weed everyone loves. It grows anywhere it wants to. Has pink flowers... and in the fall the leaves turn a fiery red... hence the name Fireweed.

Dip Netting: Holding a large fishnet, on the end of a long pole, in a river, waiting for fish to swim into it. Rather successful.

And then, I haven't heard this one, but have definitely observed the non-winter season:

Two Seasons: We have two seasons--winter and road construction. Actually it's more like "road fixing" construction. We don't get many new roads here.